Many individuals have been known to impulsively jump into water and go swimming. Thankfully, Birdman's Blog is here to keep you safe. In this post, we will explore various scenarios where swimming may not be advisable. Birdman's Blog caters to a diverse, worldwide audience of all age groups... so for those unfamiliar with swimming, "it is the sport or activity of propelling oneself through water using ones limbs." Having personally acquired the skill of swimming at a tender age, I like to indulge in a swim once I've fulfilled all the criteria listed below. Enjoy this post and stay safe out there!
Rocks In Your Pockets: If your pockets are filled with a bunch of rocks, you should not go swimming. You will sink to the bottom and won't be able to swim to the surface, resulting in death.
You Plan On Being Under Water for 24 Minutes & 38 Seconds: You will die. Budimir Sobat is the World Record holder, holding his breathe underwater for 24 minutes and 37 seconds. Seek mental therapy if you are considering this.
You Don't Have Any Arms: We have covered this one in a past post, but you won't be able to propel yourself using 4 limbs because you only have 2. Your legs are going to face extreme fatigue very quickly and you will die.
You Are Allergic To Water: "Aquagenic Urticaria" affects roughly 1 in every 230 million people. By that estimate, there are only 32 people with the condition on the entire planet. If you are one of these people, try to avoid swimming or take an allergy pill before.
Water Is Infested With Aggressive Sunfish: I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced this situation. When the water is infested with aggressive sunfish, they will violently attack and bite your nipples until they bleed. Boy, this is uncomfortable and traumatizing.
You Hate Getting Wet: Swimming might not be for you because you will more than likely get wet.
Water Is Actually Lava, But Looks Like Water: This may only affect people who are colorblind, but if you do this, you'll burn/melt to death. This blog has a global reach, so I am obligated to look out for everyone.
Pool Doesn't Have Any Water: You gotta be a special kind of stupid to think you can swim in a waterless pool.
You Are On Top Of A Mountain: You are clearly already doing another activity and you are probably wayyyyyy too far from a body of water to go swimming. Just enjoy the view and stop thinking about going swimming right now.
Your Body Is Covered In Butyl Lithium: I have no idea what you were doing before having the urge to go swimming, but you will 100% ignite on contact with the water.
Thank you for stopping by! You are now ready to check the necessary boxes before jumping into the local pond. Don't be afraid to reach out and comment under this post, on Twitter, on Facebook, or by text message about which was your favorite or if there were any scenarios I may have missed. I love hearing from Birdman's Blog's fans and I want all of you to survive your next handful of swims! #SplashOn
Sometimes I wonder what is going on inside the mind of Birdman. I liked the sunfish one best.